The Gloom, I Has It

Now Playing -
Where Do We Go Now But Nowhere
by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
 

Life - 

Ahh, days off, why do you have to end? For the last few weeks, we've been fortunate enough for our days off to fall on the same two days. It's been really nice. We've built a porch, made some fun little trips, worked in the house a bit. In the next few, that'll change a little, my boss is going out of town, so my schedule will be all over the place. That's why we decided to hit Portland and the beach this "weekend" (Which is Thursday and Friday for us) We had some shopping to do and we wanted to find a few items to decorate our porch with.

On that front, we weren't especially successful. The mall was a bust, Michael's Crafts and The Christmas Tree Shops had a few things, but nothing in our price range. Though the Christmas Tree Shop DID have Stubbs Barbecue Sauce, which is my favorite and impossible to find out here. (I bought a barbecue recipe book too for $4) Eventually, we decided to give up on the decoration quest, and headed down the road to Old Orchard Beach. I was intrigued to visit it again, as last time we went it was pre-season and very rainy and cold. I thought it might be fun to see it in full swing.

Along the way, we stopped at the skeeviest flea market ever. Every single tent was filled with items that looked like they'd fallen off a truck in 1992 and had been sitting in these tents on sagging card tables ever since. Stuff like Micro Machine coloring books and impractically designed knives. VHS tapes and badly faded "Harley Davidson Parking Only" signs. We wandered into the bazaar until we started to fear ever making it back to the car safely and then fled.

 Naturally, because I wanted to see OOB in full swing, it was gloomy and windy when we arrived. Which just made the air humid and muggy, somehow. But there were still quite a few people sacked out in the sand and wandering the boardwalk.

 I was surprised, though I shouldn't have been, at the variety of tourists. It's clear that the beach gets about half of the business from the South, New Hampshire and New York, even as far down as Florida, and the other half travels down from Canada - there were a lot of signs in French as well as English. I guess it's a good middle ground for them , though, to be frank, I liked it far less than Oregon and would likely not drive hours to get here.

The boardwalk and shops were mildly diverting however, though most of them sold things we weren't interested in. Clothing, henna tattoos and the like. We wandered around the carnival for a bit and had some crappy fries, then some excellent fries, and split a piece of decent pizza.

 There were a lot of people out, though most of my pictures seem to make the streets look kind of empty, and we had to shuffle through crowds of largely heavyset and sweating people, most of them holding french fries, ice cream, slabs of pizza or circles of dough.

Which was probably my favorite part of the day, the treat they call "Fried Dough" it was hot and decadent, swimming in honey butter and powdered sugar, with just a hint of cinnamon. The name bothers me though, it's like no one out here understands the importance of showmanship or something. Back home, these beasts would have been called Tiger's Ears, or Honey Butter Scones, or Elephant Ears. (Apparently, people in Idaho associate slabs of dough with animal ears, for some reason...) And if I owned a shack on the beach selling these, I would immediately call them something like Sand Dollars or Dough Clams, even Beach Blankets would be a better name than Fried Dough. Boring! But tasty!

After wandering for a bit more, we headed home, stopping off at a tiny toy store and an ice cream stand on route one. Yesterday, we went out for lunch, violating my previously stated "Not leaving the house except in case of zombie apocalypse, but it was worth it for some excellent fish and chips at O'Sheas. There's also a great shop next to the restaurant called the Nest, which sells all manner of nice home decor, where we got a few ideas for the house. We also made a quick stop at the Goodwill for some pillows and the craft store for some fabric to cover the pillows with. 

Then I read an entire James Patterson book and made dinner.

 Oh yeah, and the title to my blog? A result of watching this commercial WAY too many times -

 

Reviews Of Unusual Size - 
5 Things About...

THE BEACH HOUSE
by James Patterson & Peter DeJonge
2003, 384 pages, ebook

1 - A stand alone novel about a law student who gets caught up in the death of his brother, corruption, rich jerks and more death!

2 - I didn't enjoy this novel as much as Beach Road, another collaboration between the two authors, but it was pleasantly diverting, with some interesting twists.

3 - I read this in one sitting. Patterson's way of writing his thrillers makes the books seem a lot shorter than they really are. Which is why I read them as a brief escape so often.

4 - Most of the characters seemed kind of stereotypical and more wooden than I would have expected, especially the main character's friends, but I did get a kick out of the grandfather, a outspoken Irish coot.

5 - The Beach House actually has very little to do with Beach Houses, but I bet it sells itself as a summer read very nicely!

7/10

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
by Stieg Larsson
2009, 600 pages, ebook

1 - This book has been so heavily hyped. I've heard it called everything from "The Best Book You'll Ever Read" to, inexplicably, "The Biggest Thing Since Harry Potter!" which is odd, because the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo has very little to do with boy wizards, or young readers, for that matter. Apparently, from now on, any book that gets a bit of popularity will be compared to Harry Potter or Twilight.

2 -It does have to do with a mystery surrounding a missing girl, a rich, screwed up family, a disgraced reporter and a screwy investigator. It's like if James Patterson and VC Andrews had a love child that was raised by Michael Connelly in Sweden.

3 - Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the book - it's a plump, tangled thriller, but as usual, I think the hype both set me up for disappointment and got my hopes up to high. I kind of wish they'd stuck with the original title, Men who hate women. I think it would have kept it under the radar more and I could have enjoyed it at what it was, a mystery about a missing girl.

4 - My least favorite character was the wunderkind favorite of the critics, the investigator, Lisbeth. I think she was set up with an appealing set of quirks and she certainly had reasons for her odd detachment with the world, but I think her persistence in acting mentally challenged just made her seem goofy. She could have been standoffish and lacking in social skills and still been appealing but instead, I kept getting annoyed.

5 - The big reveal and spoiler in the middle of the book surprised me, it was the logical ending to the book, the fact that it continued with the other plot for another hundred pages or so was kind of odd. It worked fine for  the novel, but now I want to see the movie and how they let it play out there. If I had been in charge of the script, I'd find myself making the two storylines converge a lot closer together.

6/10

DEAD MAN'S SONG

by Jonathan Maberry

2007, 480 pages, ebook

1 - The second book in the Pine Deep series takes us deeper into the evil that permeates the ground of the tiny Pennsylvania town, and expands on the battle between light and dark.

2 - I got a kick out of the first Pine Deep book, Ghost Road Blues, but this installment was better. Better pacing, better twists, and Maberry is really ramping up to something big in the third installment.

3 - Which was my main complaint about the book, it reads like a second of three books. There's a good amount of catch up in the beginning and the end can barely be called that, it's more of a back cover inserted between chapters. And I can't wait to read the next one, which is already downloaded to my nook and waiting for me, thank goodness. 

4 - If Jonathan Maberry was as big as Stephen King, and I think he could be better than King in many respects, he could have released this as one volume. A massive, wicked epic.

5 - Dead Man's Road takes some conventional horror tropes and sneaks them in when you least expect it. Even when I knew something was coming, he manages to keep it entertaining and fresh.

8/10

Writing - 

I worked a while on my zombie novel the last couple of days, but it's hard to get in the head of people hiding in a drug store in Montana in the middle of October, surrounded by zombies, when you're sitting on a porch in Maine surrounded by hummingbirds and crickets in the middle of August.

The Last Sentence -

 I've got a pretty good chunk of company around the front that's noticed my buddy here.

From - "Graves" (WIP)

Road Trip

Now Playing -

Nothin' But A Good Time
by Poison

Life - 

My wife and I both have the day off tomorrow, for the first time in a bit, so we've decided to take a road trip! They're building a new store to the North in Belfast, so I figured we should head up there and check out the area. Not that I have any delusions of getting the store as a manager, but I like to keep up to date with the new stores and it's a good excuse for us to head up there. We've heard we'll like the Northern parts of Maine, they're supposed to be more rural and small-town, with a rougher, laid back feel. Sounds good to me! 

We plan to take the boys with us, they need a good stroll around a new town too. We'll leave Orbie to take care of the cats. I plan to take a good pile of pictures, and I'll see you upon the return!

Reviews Of Unusual Size - 

Books - 

Five Things About....

UNDER THE DOME

by Stephen King

2009, 1074pages, E-Book

 1 - This is the fifth book by Stephen King that I've read, and probably my least favorite. It was still enjoyable, but there were times when I wished he was a new writer again, and had to pare things down to their most important elements to get an agent's attention. I think it would make his books a lot stronger.

2 - As you can tell from the title and knowing King, this novel is about a small Maine town that gets trapped under a mysterious dome and the chaotic, interpersonal events that result.

3 - King does some nice stuff here. Some of the characters are strong and likable, some are perfectly villainous, and there are some fun twists and directions he takes with the story.

4 - All the same, there's that little something that has bothered me about previous King books, and I'm not even sure how to define it. Kind of a... Okay, he's a good guy, and those are clearly very bad guys, so something horrible is gonna happen... get it over with already! kind of thing.

5 - As much as I want to love his books, Stephen King has still always hung on that little nail between annoyance and the love of a great idea. I do know one thing - I love his monthly column in Entertainment Weekly.

6/10

 THE KILLING FLOOR

by Lee Child

1997, 544 pages, E-Book

1 - The first Jack Reacher Novel. This set the standard for all to follow. Short sentences. Tough guy. Pretty Girl. Right Place. Wrong Time. Copious use of the term Cloverleaf.

2 - It had been a while since I'd read a Reacher novel, so when I downloaded the newest, I figured I should re-read the first and refresh my memory. Not that it's neccesary, his novels are nicely stand alone for the most part.

3 - Upon reading this, I kept telling myself that I'd read it before, but none of it was familiar. I'm still not sure if I've just forgotten the entire plot or if I managed to miss the first in the series. Usually I'm pretty anal about that kind of thing.

4 - An interesting, tight plot, that manages to be a bit twisty and introduce Jack as a cool character. 

5 - I love the Reacher novels for being a modern heroic take on the classic crime novel. It's easy to picture Reacher in an earlier time, wearing a fedora and knocking over a payroll truck.

8/10

61 HOURS

by Lee Child

 2010, 400 pages, E-Book

1 - Lee Child's most recent Reacher novel, the 14th, finds Reacher trapped in a small South Dakota town. Snowbound, and because, frankly, it's all Reacher knows how to do to pass the time, he gets involved with a little problem the police are having. And the bodies start piling up.

2 - Read directly after the first book in the series, I have admire the way Child keeps Reacher the same man. Taciturn and tough, but ages him just a bit. 

3 - Great supporting characters this time around. A lot of  his earlier books left me feeling like the people surrounding Reacher were a little weak, but I really liked some of the people in this. The villain in particular would have felt at home in a Bond adventure.

4 - Though I guessed a major point early in, the story was really good. I loved the little town feel of things, and how Child made the novel feel very isolated and cut off from the world. There were a few over the top things, but for the most part, a strong entry in the Reacher series.

5 - Who decided to release a novel about being trapped in a South Dakota town during a fierce winter storm in the middle of summer? Child does a truly excellent job making you feel the harsh, bitter cold of the storm and I think I would have enjoyed it all the more if I was curled up with some hot cocoa and a blanket with the flakes falling outside, rather than 80 degree weather.

9/10

 

Books On My Nook!

Reviews Of Unusual Size - 

Man, I've read five books since William Lashner's book review on the 25th. I've gotta get out of this office position before I run out of books!

Books - 

   

UNDER THE LAKE

by Stuart Woods

1999, 368 pages

1 - A departure for Woods, Under The Lake is a supernatural thriller, complete with ghosts, murder, sex and hillbillys!

2 - The main character, while a decent enough fellow never really grabbed me.

3 - Great idea for a setting, on the edge of an artificial lake with secrets deep under the waters.

4 - Like most of Woods' books, the women in them are either sexpots or old biddys.

5 - I had a hard time with the sheriff in this. I kept seeing him as much older and fatter than he was supposed to be. I'm not sure why.

3/5

NEW YORK DEAD

by Stuart Woods

2009, 400 pages

1 - A promising start to Woods' Stone Barrington character, a man saddled between detective, lawyer, scumbag and avenger.

2 - The full title of the book is mentioned at least twice in full. Once I can get, the second time it kind of bothered me.

3 - A typical book by Stuart Woods. That isn't to say it's a bad thing!

4 -The men are manly and the women are womanly and find it hard to resist the manliness of the men.

5 - For some reason, when this and Under The Lake formatted on the nook, it replaced all quotation marks and apostrophes with question marks, leaving the book looking confusing and the characters confused, with lots of sentences like - ?She?s gone?? He snorted. ?She?s New York Dead.? 

4/5

THE TOMB

by F. Paul Wilson

1998, 448 Pages

1 - An unusual mix of hardboiled crime avenger and supernatural thriller. At first I had a hard time getting into it, but it grew on me.

2 - I think Wilson did a great job portraying the small child in this. She never came off too excessively precocious or mature.

3 - The first (?) in what appears to be a pretty convoluted series by Wilson, including three or four series and possibly the end of the world... Or something.

4 -Repairman Jack is a great creation, and I'll have to track down some of the other dozen or so books featuring him.

5 - A good mix of adventure and the supernatural with mayhem, creepy beasties and crazy history. Like Clive Cussler meets Lawrence Block meets Preston & Child

4/5

Heart-Shaped Box

by Joe Hill

2009, 400 pages

1 - The first novel by Joe Hill, who, by now, everyone knows is Stephen King's son. He even looks a lot like him!

2 - If you didn't know, you might have guessed from the story, which has a lot of the same personality and subjects that King has in his books.

3 - The ghost in this, especially at the beginning is really creepy and effective. I thought it lost a lot of the punch once the main characters hit the road and the ghost became more physical and... crazy trucker.

4 - Hooray for the dogs! Boo for the names though. I get that the main character is a rock and roller, but seriously, Michael Bolton would have given his guard dogs better names.

5 - I've heard good things about Hill's other stuff, his comic book work especially. I'll have to track it down.

5/5

THE TEMPLAR LEGACY

by Steve Berry

2007, 544 pages

1 - Part one of a series featuring a man named "Cotton" Malone. They never explain his first name. My guess is that he wears cotton briefs.

2 -A pleasantly twisty tale that mixes history, both real and imagined and tantalizing hints to create a treasure hunt complete with assassins, traps, and globe-trotting.

3 - One of the characters, Cotton's boss was very grating and bitchy to me. I started reading the book picturing Kathy Bates in the role but by the end of the book, Mrs. Doubtfire had stepped in.

4 - There were a few too many convenient "AHA!" moments mixed in throughout the action. I can handle a little piece of the treasure map showing up in an outlandishly predictable spot, but the ones concerning the characters were too Soap-Opera-y. I kept expecting an evil dwarf twin to pop up. Sadly, it never did.

5 -Undoubtedly compared to the Davinci Code when released. Most likely inspired by the success of the Davinci Code when written.

3/5

Christmas Holiday 2009

Life - 

Life carried on when we returned to Poky. I wouldn't say it got back to normal, but things weren't too bad. The main thing was my arm. I started getting extremely claustrophobic at times, I'd get shaky and nervous, sick to my stomach. I also noticed the cold a lot more, getting hot and cold flashes seemingly at random, with the cold always starting in my right arm. I suppose that it will alway sbe more sensitive, I can be one of those old sailor types that talks about feeling things in their bones.

It was, if anything, harder to get back into the spirit of Christmas after the accident. Money was extremely tight, I had regular doctor's visits, despite my injury and utter uselessness, I was working still, we still found ourselves surrounded by the chaos wrought by having my mom and brother move in, it was a trying time.

The worst was my feeling of complete worthlessness. It took me 27 minutes to wrap a single Christmas gift. I could barely dress myself or use the bathroom and any of those things took forever to do. Typing was out of the question, it hurt too much and was nearly impossible. I couldn't sleep in the bed, I got too claustrophobic and felt like I was trapped, so since coming home, I've slept in the chair in the front room. (In an area that my wife has deemed my "wallowing hole")

I did not have high hopes for the holiday itself.

Turns out, I was incredibly, happily wrong on all counts! Christmas was an absolute joy. It was the first year I've had off since I ran the Chevron, seven years ago, and just that was great.

We woke up early, or at least I did, I always have been one of those kids that rushes down the hall to wake my mom at 5am on Christmas morning, but to my credit, I resisted waking anyone until 7am this year.

We spent the morning with my mom and brother, opening gifts and eating a breakfast casserole. I may not be a kid anymore, but I have to admit, the gifts I get from my side of the family always make me feel like one. I got a Kermit the frog beanie cap, an Indiana Jones Lego set (Something that was devilishly hard to put together left handed, by the way) A Lawrence Watt-Evans book, just a lot of really great, fun stuff. The crown jewel was easily my brother's gift, a Muppet Whatnot, from FAO Schwarz! Love these things, and have always wanted one. He initially designed one to look vaguely like me, but in the end he looks more like Roy Orbison, so I've named him Orbie. Now I just have to get better so that I can work him and find my Muppet voice for him!

After a while, we headed over to Rich and Sue's to spend Christmas with them. My brother and sister-in law would be arriving later on, driving up from Salt Lake City, and it was kind of nice to spend the morning alone with Rich and Sue. We opened gifts, I dozed a bit, nice and relaxing.

I always get more adult gifts from Lindsay's family, and it's fun having it both ways. They gave us a good chunk of clothing, especially socks, something that I was in dire need of. We also received some really nice cooking supplies, a book on Idaho Outlaws, Linz got some new shoes, once again, a really generous haul!

We were also fortunate enough to be given a gift from an anonymous Christmas Angel, something to help us with the difficult month we'd had and were having and I want to take a moment to sincerely thank that person, whoever it was. Your gift meant a tremendous amount to us, and will make a big difference.

Eventually, Marissa, Dylan and Cami arrived and the Christmas party fell into full swing, with wrapping paper flying, people wrasslin' family photos, goofing off. Pretty fun stuff for a buch of adults!

Later that evening I started feeling groggy and sore so we went home, relaxed for a while and topped off the night with a round of board games with my mom and brother. Really, a great Christmas, one of the best in recent memory.

Book Reviews

This isn't really much of a review, more of an update. I just have too many books that I've read to properly review them, even in my abbreviated "five things" format.  wanted to post them though, so that in the next few days I can post my official End Of Year reading totals. I haven't kept a very close eye on numbers yet this year, so it should be fun to see what I ended up reading!

Anyway, here are the books I've read since my last update on December 8th:

IGRAINE THE BRAVE

by Cornelia Funke

2007, 224 pages

DIE TRYING

by Lee Child

2006, 576 pages

JUDGE & JURY

 by James Patterson and Andrew Goss

2007, 434 pages

THE MUMMY, THE WILL AND THE CRYPT

by John Bellairs

1985, 176 pages

THE JURY

by Steve Martini

2002, 336 pages

CHASING DARKNESS

by Robert Crais

2008, 391 pages

TERMINAL FREEZE

by Lincoln Child

2009, 448 pages

HOLLYWOOD TOUGH

by Stephen J. Cannell

2003, 376 pages

Considering my arm and the pain meds made it ridiculously hard to read a lot of the time, eight books in the last 23 days of 2009 isn't too bad!

The Bookman Cometh!

Now Playing -
Dog Eared Page by The Matches

Life - 

Pretty generic night at work, considering it was a full moon. I think the fridgid cold kept most of the nuts at home, cuddled up with their mescalin and strawberry cheesecake tyrannosauruses. Although my cashier's constant, almost manic, good moods are starting to drive me crazy.



What are twelve good reasons to join the Hard Case Crime Book Club?

These twelve books, after shipping, only twenty bills, baby. It's like finding a suitcase full of money behind a dumpster without all of the gangsters chasing you. Nothing like hot crime on a cold night in the middle of Idaho.

Book Reviews

Catching up here, I've been lax on my reviews!

FIVE THINGS ABOUT -

FALSE DAWN

by Paul Levine

1994, 368 pages

Yet another Miami-based novel about a PI and the ever present problems with Cuba and people that love both places.

Readable, but a bit self-important and preachy.

Nice characters, though the wind surfing seemed completely superfluous.

A major character seems to be introduced through a completely implausible coincidence.

Missing artwork heist book!

2/5

THE WRATH OF THE GRINNING GHOST

by John Bellairs and Brad Strickland

1999, 176 pages

Yet another Bellairs book, if you can't tell, I may be addicted to nostalgia.

Extremely outlandish plot, even for this genre.

Fun and quick moving, especially when Fergie is around.

Once again, Strickland does a stellar job of sounding like Bellairs yet adding his own touches.

My least favorite of the Gorey covers, done just before he died, I believe.

3/5

GONE FISHIN'

by Walter Mosley

1997, 244 pages

A throwback to Easy Rawlin's early days in the 1930's.

Great dialogue, characters and situations.

The atmosphere is so compelling and vividly written that you can't help but see it clearly, feel the wet heat on your skin.

Recommended whether you've read any of the Easy Rawlins novels or not, can stand on it's own.

Surprisingly brief, with large print and margins, almost like a book typeset for younger people.

4/5

THE MYSTERIOUS BENEDICT SOCIETY

by Trenton Lee Stewart

2008, 512 pages

What I had hoped the Lemony Snickett books would be like, full of intrigue and secrets.

Great cast of characters, creative and memorable.

Fun, twisty, subversive villain and a plot to rule the world!

The artist is a graduate of the University of Montana, my wife's alma mater. Go Griz!

Thick book, but it reads smoothly, the story drawing you along on it's clever twists and turns.

4/5

BLASPHEMY
by Douglas Preston
2008, 416 pages

A typically fun novel from the co-author of The Relic.

Skirts around religion, creation and man's views on each, coming away with a truly unique take on it.

As unique as it is, it somehow still felt like we'd seen it before.

I never really felt any strong connection to the characters.

A not so sly dig at Scientology?

3/5


KING CON
by Stephen Cannell
1998, 448 pages

Fast paced novel about a family of con men and an attorney caught in their latest scheme.

Talks the talk, but never really walks the walk.

A great, slow burning con that fizzles out, never giving you the twist you expect throughout.

Still satisfying though, Beano, King Con himself, is a lot of fun.

Cannell is a regular cameo on the television program "Castle" where he plays poker with the writer main character.

3/5




THE LONGEST CHRISTMAS LIST EVER
by Greg and Evan Spiridellis
2007, 32 pages

Cute, energetic artwork.

Creative, modern rhymes and storyline.

I saw this book and couldn't resist it - the perfect combination of story, art and subject matter

The plot does strike a little close to home for me!

"Six Trillion Dollars!"

5/5


Writing - 

Nothing, again. In fact, I didn't even manage to get any revising done last night.

Reviews Of Unusual Size!

I'm still trying to find a format I really like for my reviews... let me know if you have any suggestions or ideas, fair readers!

KILLER'S CHOICE

by Ed McBain

 1958, 157 pages

A twisty, hardboiled delight!

Dialogue that goes on for pages and you wish would never end

Not a huge fan of the title 

The characters in this are a treat, colorful and awesome. Especially the character's names.

 Fairly predictable but satisfactory ending

4/5

SHOOT HIM IF HE RUNS

by Stuart Woods

 2008, 392 pages

An author I'd never read before, he writes fast paced, fairly light hearted thrillers.

Great sense of humor running through the book.

A few scenes seemed tacked in for length and tittilation, not something I generally poo-poo, but they felt out of place.

A pretty great villain that wasn't given much to do.

In retrospect, no one really did much in the entire book.

2/5

AT RISK

by Patricia Cornwell

 2006, 289 pages

A somewhat hackneyed thriller about a murder, a new crime detection method and a governmental race.

I often found myself bored and distracted while reading.

All of the main characters were too full of themselves and their little quirks.

It felt at times like the author was pretty pretentious too, though that may have been influenced by her goofy photo on the back cover

I got this book at a rest area just over the Idaho border, part of the truly excellent BookCrossing program, a voluntary read and release phenomenon - check 'em out! What a fun idea! Too bad the book was a letdown, but it just inspires me to get ones out there that I do like and admire.

1/5

HONEYMOON

by James Patterson & Howard Roughan

2005, 406 pages

Goofy, obvious plot about a scheming, money-hungry black widow and a detective investigating her.

The cover and for that matter, the title really have nothing to do with the story.

Though eye-rollingly bad at times, the book was still a page-turner, moving quickly and enjoyably.

These books always make me wonder what percentage each author actually writes.

It warns you not to give away the ending. Too bad the book does halfway through...

2/5

NIGHT THUNDER

by Ruby Jean Jenson

1995, 397 pages

A chilling idea for the plot, only executed well about 3/4 of the time.

There were a surprising number of typos in the book, and a lot of phrases that were worded almost the same as previous ones, distracting my mind from the story.

80% of the story is told from the POV of children. I assume this was intended to increase the tension, but it usually just made me annoyed at the way she wrote children.

The villains were scary and I found myself wishing that I got to learn more about their backstory rather than yet another sentence describing their half-smile of perfect features.

There's something about horror novels written in the 80's and 90's that all seem to have the same feel to their writing, it's something intangible. I can only describe it as "awkward sentences designed to evoke suspense that usually don't" This book had a lot of them.

2/5

THE SOMNAMBULIST

by Jonathan Barnes

2007, 353 pages

A wry, witty and macabre detective novel, set in Victorian England.

Characters so inspired and original that you could read an entire book about them drinking tea and wandering around town and it would stay compelling.

Gorgeous narration, both clever and sneaky, poetic and evocative.

Drags a bit at the end, yet feels rushed and too pat at the same time.

I can't wait to track down Barnes' next novel!

4/5

Book Reviews - Cousin of Recent Reads

Just a few quick reviews. I figured I should get these in more frequently, so that I don't have a dozen at a time to review.

Note - 2 books not pictured, had to return one to the library, the other was in pdf form on the computer.

ORIGIN
by J.A. Konrath
2007, 237 pages

This was the first book that I've read on my computer exclusively. I love Konrath's books and just recently noticed that he'd made some of his earlier, unpublished books available on his website for free, so I downloaded a few to check out. Origin is about a team of researchers who are brought into a long running government program to study something found years before, while excavating the Panama Canal. Only it just woke up. Fun book, I highly recommend checking it out! I don;t think it's quite as smooth as his current stuff, but the plot is over the top, B-Movie horror fun. It was interesting reading it electronically. On my computer, it seemed more like a chore, the thing is heavy and heats me up uncomfortably, but on my wife's little netbook, it was light and easy to read, almost as pleasurable as a real book. I doubt it would ever win me over completely, but I've begun to seriously entertain the idea of a Kindle or similar eventually.

7/10



PATIENT ZERO
by Jonathan Maberry
2009, 421 pages

You can't go wrong with a zombie book, and this is a great one. The main character, Joe Ledger is smart, funny and knows his stuff and Maberry does an excellent job of moving the plot along at a lightning pace. He manages to take the idea of the zombie, add a post-9-11 twist that keeps it fresh and freaky and builds a cast of characters that, while a bit over the top, especially the Bond-esque villains, are a ton of fun to read. He's also written a few horror novels that I'm trying to track down and is working on a young adult book... about zombies. Aww yeah, baby.

9/10


SILVERSWORD
by Charles Knief
2001, 400 pages

What a strange change of pace for this, the fourth of the John Caine detective novels. injured and on trial for being involved in a shooting where an innocent woman was killed, this book is far more introspective and quiet than Knief's previous novels. there's still some butt-kicking, and the cast of characters still amuse, but it doesn't have the whiz-bang speed that the other three had.

What happened to Charles Knief? after his Silversword, he kind of vanished. His site is dead, there's no info on him anywhere that I can find, no wiki, no death date.... come back, Charles!

6/10


WALKING MONEY
by James O. Born
2004, 262 pages

I was pretty disappointed by this book, it starts promisingly, with a bank robbery and murder on the cusp of rioting in Florida, but there's soon so many double crosses and goofy coincidences that things get a little groany quick. Still, Born writes well and his main character was pretty appealing. I don't get why every book that is written about Florida has to have a cast of immoral, zany, idiotic characters. Is Florida really like that exclusively?

5/10

Book Reviews - Bride Of Recent Reads

Whoops, almost a month between reviews again! I've gotta stop taking so long. This set took me so long to type up that I've read two books since I started! Still, thirteen books in 28 days aint too bad.

I have fallen in love with Hard Case Crime, publishers of fine reprint and original hardboiled crime novels. They all have a stylin' new cover, painted exclusively for the book, lurid titles, excellent retro design. I love them ever so much. They even have a mail order service. Forget magazines, I want a new novel in the mail every month! Maybe next month I'd get Satan Is A Woman, or Losers Live Longer! Hooray for old-school crime!

THE COLORADO KID
By Stephen King
2005, 184 pages

What a great book. I've read online that a lot of people were either in love with, or despised the ending of this book. Without giving anything away, I fell solidly into the Love category. I wish King would write more stuff like this! Two old newsmen tell a roundabout story of a fellah's death to a young female reporter. There's both more and less to the story than it seems.

8/10


BUST
By Ken Bruen & Jason Starr
2006, 254 pages

Bust was the first HCC novel I read, and it was a great choice. Psychopathic hitmen, sexy women, rich men. Double-crossing each other left and right, with just the right amount of sex and violence. A perfect, old school crime novel.

9/10


THE LAST MATCH
By David Dodge
2006, 319 pages

My first real disappointment with the HCC line. If i'd read the afterword first, I would have gotten a pretty good handle on why I don't care for this novel. It was written by a woman's father, she edited and revised it, and from what I can tell, both of them were pretty pretentious about the story. These kinds of books need a sense of fun, not a feel that they think they're writing something important.

3/10


GRIFTER'S GAME
By Lawrence Block
1961, 205 pages

I love Lawrence Block. His writing always gives me a real feel for the era, and his deliciously immoral characters give me happy feelings inside. Read this.

8/10


THE VENGEFUL VIRGIN
By Gil Brewer
1958, 220 pages

Man, this book got me the funniest look from my nephew (in-law) when he walked in and saw me reading it. Nothing like a book with the word VIRGIN on it, with a shot of a blonde with a gun and money in front of a fire to shock a ten-year-old! Sweet ride from the author of Satan is a Woman. A pretty, naive and crazy young girl convinces the TV repair man to bump off an old man and run away with his money. Sounds so simple...

7/10

SLEEP WITH THE FISHES
By Brian M. Wiprud
2006, 239 pages

I've liked Wiprud ever since I picked up Stuffed at a used book store in Newport a few years ago. His characters are wacky, but not so over the top as to be completely unbelievable, and the stories are a rollicking good time. Unfortunately, Sleep left me a bit flat. I don't know if it was the fishing or that the main character seemed a bit less developed than his norm, but It left me craving one of his earlier books. It kind of seemed like a Hiassen book, actually. Good, but not qute as good as it could have been.

6/10

THE PISTOL POETS
By Vistor Gischler
2005, 340 pages

Gischler is one of those authors that I like a lot, but have a hard time remembering him when I go to buy a book or am shopping in a bookstore without my used list on me. I bought Gun Monkeys, one of his earlier books in a creepy old used book store in Northern Montana, and never saw another until last year when I managed to track down the rest. The story of Poets, which gets pretty convoluted has a teacher waking to find a dead student in his bed, a drug dealer trying to go straight, a reclusive professor, and a few little surprises along the way. I really got a kick out of this, though there were a few aspects that left me thinking I'd missed a paragraph explaining things. I'm also anxiously awaiting the arrival of his newest, Go Go Girls Of The Apocalypse. That's right, Go Go Girls Of The Apocalypse. a title so good that I had to write it twice.

7/10

JAKE RANSOM AND THE SKULL KING'S SHADOW
By James Rollins
2009, 397 pages

I really wanted to like this. I dig Rollins' adult novels, they're Indiana Jones style adventures with enough intrigue and black ops in them to keep you guessing and his first kids book looked to be more of the same, but for a younger set with a more over the top theme. Unfortunately, the plot is VERY over-the-top, with too many convenient answers. It was still fun, a great adventure and I'll read his others in the series when they're written, but this one left me rolling my eyes a few times too often to fully recommend it. Also, he uses the name Brontosaurus at one point, is that an accurate dinosaur name now?

6/10


THE BRASS VERDICT
By Michael Connelly
2008, 422 pages

Connelly is a great writer, and his Lincoln Lawyer character is one of my favorites, second only to Det. Harry Bosch, yet this installment left me feeling pretty flat. The two never really seemed to mesh, Bosch especially coming off as flat, though that may have been because we saw him from Mickey Haller's view. Still, I get the impression that he could write a quick thriller on the pot, and this one still had a twisty plot and good dialogue.

7/10


EVIL GENIUS
By Catherine Jinks
2005, 486 pages

Man, I checked this book out from the library expecting a completely different novel. Somehow, I thought with the catchy phrases, cartoony design and big logo that I'd chosen a kids book, completely disregarding the fact that I'd grabbed it from the young adult section. It's about a kid that goes to an evil villain high school/college, where miscreants are trained for a life of crime. I had expected a book about a 12 or 13 year old doing that, instead, getting a teen with all of the angst and hormones that go with it, but that didn't make it a bad book. It was still funny, clever and a great read, just not what I'd thought I was reading.

7/10

EMERALD FLASH
By Charles Knief
1999, 292 pages

I loved this book. Funny, poignant and really action packed, this was my favorite from Kneif so far. His character, Private Eye, John Caine is a fellow in his late forties that is about as hard as they come. He lives on a boat, enjoys Hawaii and gets his butt kicked a lot. He always gives back better than he gets though and walks away with the girl. The settings for the book are gorgeous and his supporting cast, especially crime lord Chawlie and officer Kimo are very memorable.

9/10


WORLD WAR Z
By Max Brooks
2006, 342 pages

Overrated. I love the cheeky humor and daily usefulness of Max Brooks Zombie Survival handbook, but this overblown, "History" of a zombie war that never was left my calling out for brains and staggering around. It wasn't horrible and there were a few slivers of brilliance, but there was too much focus on silly things. Some people I know love it. Good for them.

3/10



FUZZY NAVEL
By J.A. Konrath
2008, 271 pages

Aww, man, did this book piss me off. Which is part of why I loved it. Joe Konrath's books all feature the detective Jack Daniels, her portly partner, her smarmy ex-partner, her mom, a friend, her evil cat and her boyfriend, as well as some of the best, soulless criminals around. For Fuzzy Navel, he crams all of them into a single house, surrounds it with snipers and shreds the walls with bullets. I read this in one setting and after the cliffhanger ending, if I'd had the next book, I would have read it too. Good, suspenseful, yet hilarious book.

9/10

Quarterly Reading Update - 2nd Quarter, 2009

In the second quarter of 2009, I read 37 novels for a total of 12,202 pages. That's an average of 134 pages per day.

That is a huge surprise to me. Now granted, I read 14 children's books, which have larger fonts and less wordage per page as a general rule, but that still impressed me since I also wrote my first novel in that quarter and worked a lot on editing and proofreading my wife's as well. No wonder my lawn was so long the other day, apparently I spend all my time reading!

Here's the list:

– Spider Legs by Piers Anthony and Clifford Pickover

– Killer Heat (An Alex Cooper Novel) by Linda Fairstein

– Sea Change by James Powlik

– Pipsqueak by Brian M. Wiprud

– The Treasure of Alpheus Winterborn by John Bellairs

– A Series of Unfortunate Events Book 1 - The Bad Beginning by Lemony Snickett

– A Series of Unfortunate Events Book 2 - The Reptile Room by Lemony Snickett

– The Woods by Harlan Coben

– Fresh Disasters by Stuart Woods

– Bad Boy Brawly Brown by Walter Mosley

– The Freakshow by Bryan Smith

– Higher Authority by Stephen White

– The Bancroft Strategy by Robert Ludlum

– Series of Unfortunate Events Book 3 - The Wide Window by Lemony Snickett

– Bullet Blues by Bob Burton

– Manhattan Is My Beat by Jeffery Deaver

– Floodland by Marcus Sedgwick
– Beach Road by James Patterson & Peter De Jonge

– The Dark Secret Of Weatherend By John Bellairs

– A Series Of Unfortunate Events Book 4 – The Miserable Mill By Lemony Snicket

– Gun Shy By Ben Rehder

– The Last Oracle By James Rollins

– The Bell, The Book and The Spellbinder By Brad Strickland

– Shockwave By Clive Cussler

– Unspeakable By Sandra Brown

– Sammy Keyes and the Skeleton Man By Wendelin Van Draanen

– The Book Of Lies By Brad Meltzer

– A Series Of Unfortunate Events Book 6 - The Austere Academy By Lemony Snickett

– The Beasts Of Clawstone Castle By Eva Ibbotson

– Shadow Of Power By Steve Martini

– The Mansion In The Mist By John Bellairs The Attorney By Steve Martini

– Silent Prey By John Sanford

– Dark Harbor By David Hosp

– Sea Legs By Alex Shearer

– The Spell Of The Sorcerer's Skull By John Bellairs
– Flipping Out By Marshall Karp

Some great books here and some not so great. The Series of Unfortunate Events continues to underwhelm seriously, my Bellairs obsession continues unabated, I found a few new authors that I enjoyed, like Steve Martini and David Hosp. The always stupendous Marshall Karp came out with a new one, which is currently fighting with Bad Boy Brawly Brown as my favorite book of the year so far.

On a separate note, my manuscript was officially delivered to the offices of Random House in New York. Someday soon someone that isn't family or close friends may be deciding whether I can write... Crap.

Book Review - More Recent Reads

It seems like I'm missing a few titles that I've read recently here, but I can't think of what....

The Freakshow
by Bryan Smith
2007, 324 pages

The Freakshow seemed like a book that the idea for it was developed over a long drunken night while the author tried to think of the best way to cram as much unneeded violence and nasty events into a book as possible. When I read the back of the book, the idea had promise, an old school freakshow rolls into town, full of creepy people and mysterious secrets, and soon, the townsfolk start disappearing. Unfortunately, the book never really even follows that description, quickly eliminating most of the denzins, creating a bizaare and sort of silly backstory for the freaks and eventually dissolves into violence and gore as a substitute for story. That said, Bryan Smith is a good writer with an eye for detail, and it was a pretty good, mindless horror book.

3/10


Higher Authority
by Stephen White
1994, 420 pages

Higher Authority was an interesting read. It tells the story of a lawyer and her sister who are attempting to sue a Mormon political figure for sexual harassment. A female political figure. Needless to say, it does not go over well with certain people in the church, and soon, a larger conspiracy is uncovered. Stephen White writes an interesting novel that, while obviously biased against Mormons, manages to give a lot of interesting facts about the religeon and the state of Utah that makes for a very unique backdrop. I found the characters little personal flaws grating rather than humanizing, however. They spent more time bickering and exchanging nasty looks than working the case.

6/10


The Bancroft Strategy
by Robert Ludlum

2007, 736 pages

Somehow, I'd never read a Robert Ludlum novel, despite loving the Bourne series of movies. To give much of the plot of this story would be to give away some of the lightning fast twists and turns that the author throws at you with every page turn, but essentially, its an international thriller with spies, secret societies and plans to overthrow the earth. Nothing that will change your life, but a good, brainless thriller.

7/10


Series of Unfortunate Events Book 3 - The Wide Window
by Lemony Snickett
2000, 224 pages

I liked the Wide Window about as well as the previous novels in the series thus far, which is both good and bad. Again, it seems like very little happens in the story, the people around the twins seem just a little too dense and Snicketts method of explaining large words, while clever, gets old after too many, and you start wishing he would just write the words, and leave the reader to explore what the meaning is behind them. Still a fun kids book though, and written with a great light sense of humor. I don;t own book four, so I'll have to track it down at the library...

5/10


Bullet Blues
by Bob Burton
2004, 302 pages

Bounty hunters are cool! At least, they are according to Bob Burton, who should know, since he is one. Bullet Blues tells the story of Dev Shannon, who is simultaneously searching for a missing boat, lady, dog and his own would-be assassin. He deals with hot ladies, albino crime lords, jamaican cops, shady clients and a curmudgeonly old dad. What more could you ask for?

8/10


Manhattan Is My Beat
by Jeffery Deaver
1988, 294 pages

I like most of Jeffery Deaver's books, and when I noticed this one, one of his older novels, I was curious to see how he has changed. Turns out, he still had a talent for creating unique characters and situations, but his older books like Manhattan is my Beat, in which a bohemian punk type girl tries to find the missing loot from a decades old crime, lack some of the dialogue and tight plotting that his later books have, the "Boyfriend" especially seemed kind of grating and stupid to me. Still enjoyable though, and I dig the plot

6/10